I will follow Satan wherever he leads me.
I will try to listen to and learn from Satan.
I will study hard, work hard and play hard.
I will not fear the judgement of others.
I have followed a Satanic philosophy since my early teens. I have always been fiercely atheistic in my beliefs; partly because this resonated with my scientific beliefs and outlook on life, and partly I think to differentiate myself from the Theistic beliefs of my mothers. For these reasons I gravitated towards LaVeyan Satanism and eventually joined an atheistic LaVeyan coven.
But it never felt quite right. I always had a feeling that Satan was real in some sense. I had increasingly powerful experiences in my dreams and during meditations and rituals in which I felt the presence of Satan and Lilith. To deny them seemed to me to be insulting them. But members of my LaVeyan coven were dismissive. It’s just your imagination they said… Part of the psycho-drama that our rituals involve… Only the weak and stupid could believe these supernatural things are real.
I hate the idea of being weak and stupid, but I also hate being told what I should or shouldn’t think or believe.
Lately I have also mixed a lot with Pagans of different types, many of whom are polytheistic, and have shared insights on different ways to understand the whole concept of deity.
I don’t quite know where Satan or Lilith fit into that understanding. I don’t pretend to understand exactly what they are. But I do know that they are ancient and wise entities and that they are real. I also realise that I have feelings of love and affection for them.
So I have left my coven and I begin the New Year as a Theistic Satanist with a much deeper connection to Satan and Lilith. I marked the occasion with a personal ritual followed by a ritual with my mother’s Theistic coven. I feel different and changed in ways it is hard to explain. I also feel the last vestiges of childhood and innocence are finally gone. This fact was probably underlined during our extended Saturnalia parties and celebrations this week.
While it is good to have the support of Sophie and Cassie as sisters on my chosen path, I will not be part of their coven, that would be too incestuous. I will be a solitary practitioner for the time being, carving my own path as a Theistic Satanist.
It will be an interesting year.
I wish my friends and followers all the best for 2019.
Dark Blessing, Léonie.