We wanted to address a few points that came up in the comments.
We knew form the beginning that two women writing about sex and sexuality could be seen in the wrong way and attract the wrong kind of audience. It troubled us and still does. We continue to do it because we think it should be done; because the pressure to not talk openly about such things is a type of censorship. We write about sex as part of life because it IS part of life and is important to most people even if they don’t have very active sex lives themselves. Our purpose in writing is to help demystify things and open the door to speaking about this subject in an open honest way.
I suppose some people will use the term slut to describe us. That says more about them than it does about us. WE hate those kind of definitions. Usually they are used by people who have big hang-ups’ and are insecure about their own sexuality. We are women who enjoy sex. There is only one word for that, and that is HUMAN.
Sex is the topic of this blog but it is not the only thing in our lives. I could blog about nursing or medical matters. Leonie could blog about animals and conservation. We could both blog about art and music, about nightclubs and country walks, about books and wine, about travel or the places where we live. We are intelligent women with knowledge and experience of many things. Like many intelligent women; the girl next door or the President of a company…we also enjoy sex and have learned about how to enjoy it in the same way some people learn to enjoy the finer points of wine.
So a little more about us. We love each other and have an open relationship. We don’t call ourselves lesbians. We like having sex with men also. For myself, in romantic relationships I think I need another woman in my life. I have had conventional boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. For me sex is an important aspect of a romantic relationship but sex is not at all confined to romance. I have only been in love a few times but I have slept with a lot more people. I don’t think I’m unique in that. Leonie is similar. I would say she is slightly less on the lesbian part of the scale than I am. We both consider ourselves bisexual and we think there are specific issues faced by bisexuals. We are aware that speaking about our lesbian or bisexual experience can attract the wrong kind of readers; but like I said before, we don’t want to be silenced by the stupidity and smallness of some people’s minds.
We look at porn. Some of it we like, some of it we don’t. But we admit that porn is often pleasurable to us and to a lot of other people. Our concerns about porn are about the welfare and willingness of the participants. We don’t mind it being kinky or hardcore, but we do mind about how free and healthy the performers are. We think that porn serves a purpose for some of us who are sexually active and also for a lot of people who for many reasons are not as sexually active as they would like to be.
However, what we are doing here, what we are writing about, is not porn; it is life experience and is intended to make people think about sexually related topics. It is not intended to get people’s juices flowing. There might sometimes be an overlap, there might not be. One of the things about sex is that just reading, writing or thinking about it can have physiological effects. That’s part of being human.
Not everyone has a great sex life. Not everyone has a happy love life. Some people are lonely. Some people are limited by the norms and expectations of the people around them. Some homosexuals live in countries where they could be ridiculed, shunned or even killed just for being themselves. That is why we think it is important for those of us who are lucky enough to be who we are without too much prejudice, to speak out. We are the normal ones. The haters are the bad ones.
We are not saying that sex is the only important, or even the most important thing. Many people can be happy without it. Many important relationships can happen without it. Love can happen without it.
But neither is sex unimportant. For me it helped me to gain confidence in myself and overcome some of the issues and anxieties I grew up with. For many people it is a special and very enjoyable aspect of life. It should not be a taboo subject.
Maybe one of the themes of the last century has been about people claiming their rights and respect. We want to be part of that movement. We will try. If nobody is interested or if only the wrong kind of people are interested, we will end this blog. But until then, we will try.
Extra part by Léonie
This seemed to fit here. Lou-Lou and I met at the Kit Kat Club in Berlin. We have a lot of friends there. One of our closest friends there is a guy we shall call George. He doesn’t look like the kind of person who would fit in to a place like that. He is not into the kinky aspects the club is famous for. He describes himself as asexual. He dresses conservatively in comparison to most of the members. I’ve never seen him dance. He just sits with a drink and talks to anybody who talks to him. His passion is painting. He mainly paints imaginary landscapes. Sometimes he shows his painting. He has many friends in the club and Lou and I are happy to be especially close to him. One day he confided in us that before he started coming to the club he was very depressed and lonely and had contemplated suicide. At the club he found people who were famed for being hedonistic and very sexual. What he actually found were people who were kind and welcoming and who accepted him for who he was. He is part of our scene and we are part of his. He has found a love that satisfies him. Not all love is sexual.
This blog is as much about accepting ourselves and other people as it is about sex. That is the heart of the matter really.
Stay safe and take care of yourselves. 🖤